I think to myself, why am I not willing to bet? Why am I not willing to put it all on the line? And why not for myself? Why am I afraid to fail, to make a mistake?
You can truly tap into any nature that benefits you.
Hello there, Madame Woo here, and welcome to Faithfully Madame. Life has been quite hectic during these pandemic times but it feels like a transition. I welcome a transformation. I read somewhere once that all of what we see is just a projection of what is going on within our souls. Lately, I have been filled with this overwhelming sense of nostalgia. Maybe it is the unknown of this new chapter in my life or the fact that I am rapidly approaching 30. But, when I think back to the start of my young adult life. You know that moment when you graduate high school and you are preparing to leave your childhood home. Honestly, no one knows how ironic it was for me to write that last sentence. Life just is not at all how we perceive it to be as an adolescent. We are so full of life, chance and opportunity. Yet still, we never hope to stay in that moment forever. Once its gone we are sure it will never return. I ask myself what about that time do you miss? What are you looking for now?
Being a fool is the most powerful essence to possess but the most dangerous nature to pretend to have.
I can honestly say I do not remember that girl very well. She was timid, always unsure of herself though she communicated that very differently. Bits and pieces of her, here and there, seem great but not really. Do I truly want to go back? Do I really want to be her? She was surely a fool. And not a fool in a terrible or awful way, only that she saw the world as her oyster. She lived with her whole heart, unafraid of the consequences that would befall her. She was careless and somehow that translated to her being free. Then, do I feel caged? Do I feel as though I can not afford the mistakes of my past or future? That girl seems awfully familiar, at times, rearing her ugly head almost inconveniently. We all play fool plenty throughout our lives. Being a fool is the most powerful essence to possess but the most dangerous nature to pretend to have.
The woman I see in the mirror today just cannot relate, I grow more and more cautious as I age. A friend of mine asked me once was I a gambler, I replied no. I took the question very literally since he himself was a gambler. I could never put the little money I have on the line like that. I meant it wholeheartedly at the time, but lately the question continues to pop up in my head at random. It beckons me to reconsider. I think to myself, why am I not willing to bet? Why am I not willing to put it all on the line? And why not for myself? Why am I afraid to fail, to make a mistake? To be wrong? I have many thoughts about my cautiousness these days. I find myself so cautious in fact that I have become inactive in a way . I overthink and over-analyze almost every aspect of my life. It is almost as if I do not trust myself or my ability to know what I want, want to see, and want to be. I reflect on how when considering action I have to think upon the measures again and again until I completely talk myself into inaction. I find it hard to even pick a simple meal off a menu in a restaurant because there are so many choices. Yes, it all seems silly. But at the end of the day I am filled with utter regret for the chance not taken or the meal not eaten. I remember a time when I would just make a move and it didn’t matter if it was right or wrong or what consequences transpire. Even though that has not worked for me in the past, it still was a freedom that I reminisce about to this very day, I admire that girl. I admire her innocence. Once we loose that it is hard to get it back and not because we cant but because the world says we cant. The world says I am no longer innocent, I have no right to it. You can truly tap into any nature that benefits you.
Here I am today left to ponder the balance between these three persons. The woman I once was, the woman I am, and the woman I will become. I admire the transformation that I know takes place daily in minuscule ways. I do not desire to be either past or present me wholly, my future desires them both. I can become comfortable with myself. I feel ready to take that leap of faith and turn to living life with eyes wide open again. I hear my slogan reign true as I write, you can be you its easy. I believe, that is why I do this, so not only I know but others as well. I can move freely even with wisdom and stop being inertia, weighed down by the decisions of my past. I must be able to say by now that I have learned something. That I am wiser and of greater character than that girl I once knew. It is time to leave caution to the wind. It is time to regain my innocence. It is time to be a fool again. Peace is love, Madame Woo.