A few years back I created this persona, Madame Woo. The name was not my idea, you guys. I only ever had two nicknames growing up that were given to me. I always wanted to be the kid in school that everyone called by their nickname. One came from my grandfather, he would call me Leila Bell after his mother I think. When I hear stories about her I think, she was nothing like me. It always made me wonder why he chose that name for me. This name was not all mine either, everyone in the family picked it up. It became the name for most of the young girls. When I was in middle school I crushed on this guy friend of mine. He remained my crush all the way into my college years. I can not remember exactly when he started calling me Madame Woo. It was always so weird to hear come out of his mouth. When he would call me Madame Woo, I found myself unable to bear the weight of it. It would always make me squirm when he said it, almost blush. Although, I have an extroverted Leo exterior my Sun is still in the 12th house, I am very secretive and disillusioned in many ways. It comes off sometimes as being shy and not forthcoming. I crave honesty yet I am not able to fully embrace it. I do not like rejection and the unsettling feelings it brings. Maybe he saw something in me that I did not quite see yet myself, Miss Wooten.
As I got older I realized Madame Woo was the only nickname that was uniquely mine. My name is only 3 letters, so it was not one of those names you could easily shorten. I think that is how a lot of people get there nick names. I can recall, at one point giving myself a nickname, Loudmouth. It did not take me long to regret that decision. When people called me that it started to sound like an insult rather than charmingly endearing. What was I thinking in high school? Though my mouth was rather loud and I could talk your ear off. I understood with time that this name had love and affection, it had soul. I grew a soft spot for it, I learned to respect it. I began using it to showcase my poetry on Instagram. Long story short, I transformed. I am Madame Woo, she is me, we are one, always had been.
Who is Madame Woo? Once a loud mouth musically talented child. She is a grown woman now. Madame Woo the artist, an assertive and expressive mother of 3. A loving creature of poetry, a song bird, who will never have it figured out and is perfectly okay with that. She has been on a long journey coming from afar still having even farther to go. A filly who embraces life and change in herself and the world. Imaginative, creative, emotional, empathic, psychic, hesitant to take, quick to give, full of herself, entitled to her world, individual.
I am young, I am woman, and I am mother. I have so much to learn but I want to share what I have learned with others. I want to hear from my viewers, what they think, to open my mind to different ways. The development of this online journal stringed from many ideas and inspirations from many sources. I, desperately needing to express myself openly and publicly, to release the suffocating air. A mirror into my internal spiritual path. At first, I was slow to accept it, I played with the thought for years, mostly because I was terrified. I thought my life to be insignificant. I believed I had nothing to offer the world. Thinking my thoughts were no more special than the next man. This is not true, but if it was, I could at least be another person putting garbage up for others to digest happily or troll miserably. At least then, I would have been able to tell my side of the story, that I could respect. What a waste you know to desire to be affirmed but thinking you lacked the follow-through and talent. What is wrong with being amateur. I was told once you know, that my writing had an adolescent quality to it. I wonder has it grown. Does it have depth? Does it have soul?
A string of circumstances in my life relating to being a parent brought me to this understanding as simple as, who gives a fuck? Who cares if I am the best parent? Who cares what I have accomplished? Who cares what anyone thinks? I live this life for me, no else. I am going to do me in all my silliness because that is the only way to live, uninhibited. Something awoken in me, it made me ask myself who will you be? Will you be the beggar or the chooser? I had much heartache in the beginning of this journey, but once I was able to embrace the pain of it all, progression was my only desire. Progress in my ability to show my children the world. I am not talking about travel but being able to show my children that it is true, you can be whomever you choose to be regardless of circumstance. It is not about what you have but what you make of what you have. All the old wise sayings making sense in my life now and forever. That you are in fact free, if you choose to be. It is the love of a child that can truly open your eyes.